Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
