I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
