are you so shy because you have an std?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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