i will never coherently bang her
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
