I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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