Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
