he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
