Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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