I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
