I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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