Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
