Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
