oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
