If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
