i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
3 2 1 whiskey
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
