I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
