yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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