I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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