can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
