You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
True strength comes from lack of pants
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
