she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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