omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
