man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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