3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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