I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
where does the pee come out of this thing
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
