please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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