I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
