i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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