I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
