I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
