I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
