I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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