Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
