Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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