$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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