Having a random hookup so left but love u
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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