I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
