haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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