She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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