it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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