my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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