normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
