Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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