so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
