just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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