Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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