I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
