VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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