conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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