Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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