I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
