Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
