LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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