Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
God, I missed his penis.
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