dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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