Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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