I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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