omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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