Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
vagina is talking i cant
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Randomize
