He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
