I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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