his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
