my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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