talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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