Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
the liver wants what the liver wants
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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