No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
