Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
