My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
