My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
