Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
