I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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