oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
