thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
