Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
