I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize