he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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