He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize