You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
