I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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