You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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