Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
what day is it and did you see me today?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
