Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
