Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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