His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
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