I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
