Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize