I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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