Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
