Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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