when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
