Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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