I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
