Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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