when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
