I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
