were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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