Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just pee around me
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
