i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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