he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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