I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
