WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize