so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
